I don’t think this is the first time this has been shared on Tumblr, but it is the first time I’ve posted it on my own Tumbr:
While it’s not as simple as man-as-rapist and woman-as-victim, what is simple is this — Rape is not an equation; it’s a fundamental inequality. There are many different choices I could have made the night I was raped. But there is no choice I could have made that would have made my rapist not a rapist. That was never my choice, and it shouldn’t have been my responsibility to carry all these years.
Don’t think I haven’t replayed the situation thousands of times in my head, analyzing and reanalyzing it from every angle. Don’t think I haven’t tried blaming myself. Really, it would have been a lot easier that way. If I’d done something wrong that time, then I could change course. I could fix it for next time.
But here’s the thing: None of my choices hurt anyone else. When talking to people about rape, either personally or in the abstract, there’s often a supposition that I must regret at least some of the decisions I made that night. For me, though, that’s not true. While I would like to alter the outcome, I don’t regret the choices I made that got me there. Because my choices were never the problem.
“Not infrequently, male Shakers say in comments of threads about sexual violence that they cannot imagine what it’s like to live as a woman in the rape culture.
Speaking for myself only, as other women may certainly disagree, I would say that this video [trigger warning for sexual violence] conveys that experience in a way as chilling as it is precise.
You want to know what it’s like to live as a woman in the rape culture? Watch that video, and imagine being a woman in the room, listening to a man tell a humorous anecdote about raping a woman to a room full of cheering men, while male comedians onstage make jokes that reveal they know it’s rapebut won’t say the word, won’t stop him, do not express compassion for his victim, do not react in any way at all to the admitted rapist in their midst, except to observe that the women in the room are shaking their heads with disgust.
Imagine how unsafe you’d feel. Imagine how angry you’d feel. And then imagine that it’s not a room you can leave.
That’s what living as a woman in the rape culture is like.”
~ Melissa McEwan
I’m watching this right now, and I just want to be dead. What a perfect illustration of this shit. This is exactly what I’m fucking talking about.